I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Randomize
