Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Randomize
