Porn is love you can see.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
