So drunk its hurt
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize