Plan B is the new Plan A
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
