why didn't you poke me back
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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