u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
