I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
