OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
