There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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