so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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