Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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