It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
