I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
