ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
