i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
