just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
