At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
