I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
