i just wanna soil my oats bro
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
