There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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