i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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