just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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