she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
