Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My vagina just clenched in fear
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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