I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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