he wants to bone in the snuggie
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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