oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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