Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
