My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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