If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
