i wish semen tasted like chocolate
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
