Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
