omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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