i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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