You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
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