i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Ketchup is God's man juice
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
