plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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