sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
