Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
