office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
