I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
