Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
