i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
