I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
