Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
