Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
