Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
