I am in a vortex of obligation.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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