I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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