Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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