hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize