your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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