I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
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The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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