you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
