Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
