I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
