it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
