yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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