We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
