Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
